Depression + Alcohol = Anxiety
Drinking alcohol has felt like a game of Russian roulette for the past few years. Partly because I no longer have the stomach I had as a teenager but also because it tends to mess with my depression. Ever since I was officially diagnosed, drinking has become a special event that happens, at most, once every two weeks. Because when I reach that level, the return to reality can ruin not just the next day but the one after that, and the one after that, and the one after that.
When I get what people call happy, my mind enters a euphoric state that my brain isn’t used to. Even though I’m "a happy person",1 and I’ve treated my depression with medication in the past, apathy and sadness are still common in my life. That’s why going from a euphoric state to a depressive one2 hits me so hard.
It hits me so hard that only today —four days after drinking— can I say I feel normal again. And yeah, I had a really rough week filled with apathy, laziness, and sadness. I felt bad about my body, dissatisfied with my job, unproductive, and tempted to fall back into old addictions, such as smoking. On top of that, I neglected my hobbies, ignored my responsibilities at home, and wasn’t the best version of myself with my family and friends.
In short, I had a depressive episode. A bad one, but not that bad. Still bad, though.
The worst part? I’m getting used to this happening every time I drink. I could quit alcohol forever, but I have to admit—I like it. Not just how it makes me feel but also the social ritual we’ve built around it.
I find it hilarious that my depression increases my risk of becoming an alcoholic, but my anxiety counteracts it. Let me explain.
Basically, my anxiety triggers physical symptoms every time I have a hangover. It causes dizziness, tremors, nausea, and stomach issues that feel way more intense than they should, relative to how much I drank. This happens because when my brain senses that my body isn’t in its normal state, it goes into high alert, triggering all these symptoms.
So, once the cycle of drinking, hangover, and sadness is complete, my brain forms the following association:
Alcohol = euphoria + hangover
Hangover = Anxiety
Anxiety = nausea + dizziness + headaches + sadness
Alcohol + Hangover = Anxiety
Therefore: Alcohol = VERY BAD
I don’t think I could explain it any better. In this particular case, anxiety has saved me from falling into an addiction that has been ruining families —hell, entire generations— for centuries. And no, that doesn’t mean that "anxiety = good" in this scenario. I doubt my brain will ever form that association, that's not how it works, in case you were wondering.
Now you know how alcohol affects an anxious and depressed person. I should mention that this isn’t a rule, nor am I qualified to draw medical conclusions—this is just my experience. Alcohol didn’t always trigger these episodes of anxiety and depression for me. Everything changes as you grow older.
Lore drop: I also think it’s important to mention that before I became a depressed person, I was an anxious one. In my case, anxiety and its crippling effects led to my depression.3 For someone who only experiences one or the other, alcohol’s effects are probably different. From what I understand, depression tends to push people toward alcoholism, so always be aware if you are having a bad time.
Anyway, I can’t believe tomorrow is already Friday and it’s time to go out drinking again get some rest.
🍻 Enjoy the midday silence. Thanks for reading.