Having friends is a privilege not everyone has
Eight years ago, I had the fortune of living with two of my best friends. We lived together for three years, sharing a crucial stage of our lives: the end of university and the start of life as active members of the capital machine, pushing the stone every day. In other words: when we got our first jobs.
Today, I remember that period of my life as one of the most important, partly because I shared it with them. It was tough, but their mere presence made the day-to-day more bearable. Sometimes they’d buy me food, do me a favor, or give me a ride somewhere I needed to go.
Of the three of us, only M had a car. When it was time to do groceries, he’d drive us, and we’d take the chance to shop together. He never charged us a single peso for gas, not even for parking. Many times, his parents would invite us over for a meal or even treat us to dinner at a restaurant. His mom would send him food, and he always shared it with us.
When I think of G, I remember our conversations. We spent the most time together in the apartment because M traveled a lot, and there were months when he wasn’t around. I related to G a lot because his family was also in another city, and his financial situation was similar to mine: tight. Every now and then, he’d come home from work with surprise munchies, and honestly, that little gesture would make my day. We were obsessed with these chocolate donuts from Hostess. That shit was insanely good when we were high af.
Among the many conversations we had, I remember that more than once, he told me how grateful he was to have friends because having such a close relationship was something not many people experienced. As an example, he’d talk about having friendships that could withstand tough trials beyond just the passing of time: like sharing a home without it threatening the bond.
For me, I’ve had friendships that have lasted over 20 years and that I still keep to this day, so having these kinds of relationships was something I took for granted. But this is the part of the post where we fast-forward to the present.
For L, maintaining long-term friendships has been difficult. Throughout her school years, she switched schools several times, making it hard to maintain connections in an era when carrying a smartphone in your pocket and having social media wasn’t the norm. On top of that, she had a couple of tough experiences with betrayal. Then she grew up, started adult life, and it became increasingly hard to find people who not only shared her hobbies and interests but also her values.
She’s trying now, but it’s been rough, and I’ve witnessed the process. Having friendships—real, lasting friendships that you can rely on despite time, distance, and differences—is a privilege not everyone has. Realizing this has made me appreciate those who have stuck around all this time, those who trust me despite my flaws.
I feel like I’m at a stage with my friends where we’re all starting to build our own lives, separate from one another. Along the way, we’ve realized that some people’s values no longer align with the way we live. Personally, I struggled with this recently — I longed for my connection with some of them to be the same as when we shared stupid jokes in high school or during that crazy phase in our early twenties, but that no longer exists.
More than being in denial, I went through a phase of negativity where I seriously considered cutting certain relationships because, let’s say, their vibe no longer matched mine. But after going through a period of acceptance, I learned to appreciate each of them for the positive things they bring to my life.
This was great because I stopped idealizing them and started seeing them for what they are: human beings with strengths and weaknesses, each shaped by their own life experiences.
I came to the conclusion that taking this step —going through this turbulent process of accepting others— is also key to maintaining the friendships that have brought so many good things into my life. Cutting ties would have been easier for me, but allowing myself to embrace this new phase will bring better things in the long run.
Today, I just got back from a weekend trip with several of my closest friends, and on the way back, as I tensed up from the stress of the road, I couldn’t stop thinking about how much I value having these people in my life.
If they’re still here, despite the good and bad times, it’s for a reason. It’s because they’ve done their part too. And I know it hasn’t been easy.
Thanks for reading.