I carn’t sleep (thinking of you constantly)
It’s 1:52 a.m. and I can’t sleep. To make things worse, my anxiety’s kicking in. Not enough for a full-blown panic attack, but definitely enough to keep me awake.
The worst part? I only slept a little over four hours last night; for some reason, I woke up way earlier than I wanted and couldn’t fall back asleep.
Today’s problem was that I had two cups of coffee: one in the morning and another one in the early afternoon. The second one was, without a doubt, my downfall.
Now I’m tired, wide awake, and replaying anxious thoughts in my head.
A couple of years ago, I fell in the shower, and for some strange reason, I’m now remembering the pain and the shock from that event; one that left a very specific kind of trauma in my brain.
But here comes the plot twist: today’s my second day without taking clonazepam after having self-medicated for a few months.1 That definitely has something to do with this insomnia episode, especially with the fact that I woke up abruptly yesterday.
I’m also thinking about how I’ll be moving again soon, which has been stressing me out for weeks. Third move in three years. I’ll be living with some relatives while I find a new place. I’m not moving because I want to, basically, my landlord kicked me out because there’s a serious humidity and leakage issue in the bathroom of my apartment.
Moving is easily top 3 worst things about adult life, right below paying taxes and… paying for health insurance? Tomorrow I have to pack up a whole room, and I’d 100% rather spend my Sunday doing literally anything else.
God, and on top of everything, I’ve got reflux. It’s gonna be a long night, and my fried brain can only manage to write this cheap slice-of-life post.
This song inspired today’s post.
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Technically, it’s not really self-medicating since my psychiatrist told me (a couple of years ago) that I could take a small dose if I needed it.↩