I miss fried chicken so much
Life has been strange with me lately. It has given and taken away. As if the mercy of the universe were a benefit we must pay for with something of equal value. As if it were alchemy, where you can’t obtain something without offering something in return that weighs the same on the scales of life. The truth is, life has always been this way and surely it will never change. I’m not complaining, I just find it curious how the last few months of my life have unfolded under this principle.
I lost the battle against AI
I lost one of my jobs because of AI. As I’ve mentioned in past entries, the way things happened was rather… bizarre. Funny thing is, just a couple of months ago, in the last thing I wrote before disappearing for a while, I talked about how they were already using AI to do my work and how that was affecting me. Did I basically manifest it? Or maybe it was always obvious these people weren’t going to respect my work once the benefits outweighed their morals.
The truth is, for several months -basically the whole year so far- I’d been thinking about quitting that job anyway. After four years of juggling two jobs, my physical and mental health were taking a real hit. In a way, it’s almost funny to think they did me a favor. My contract was freelance, so I don’t get any kind of severance pay, but even the moment they gave me the news I felt a bittersweet relief.
After a week, I can honestly say that having more time and less mental load is exactly what I needed in this moment of my life. I’m regaining my peace of mind and leaving behind those overwhelming levels of stress.
I lost part of my income, but I gained time and health. Two of the most precious things in life.
Five weeks without eating anything fried
Yesterday marked a month since my girlfriend and I went to see a nutritionist. We started a diet because we realized our eating habits had changed a lot —and for the worse— in the last few months. My first reaction was resistance, because in the past I had already tried to follow a diet, but it was a very frustrating experience that gave me no good results.
This time, unlike a couple of years ago, my motivation was to cut down on sugar. I’ve mentioned before on this blog that I’m a huge dessert fan. I love sweets in every form. Unfortunately, it had become more of an addiction than a pleasure.
For months, sugar had been more like an escape for me. Any stressful or exhausting day instantly got better once I devoured a bag of Kisses or a Blizzard. Then I started eating cookies every single day after lunch, as a sort of reward; and honestly, that became the best part of my day. But then dessert lost all its meaning. It was just part of the routine, not a special occasion anymore.
The good thing is, I actually like my diet. The meals are good and it’s not 100% strict. Today I had some Oreos for the first time in a long while and they tasted AMAZING.
I lost the freedom of eating dessert whenever I wanted, but I gained a good habit (eating well really does wonders in so many aspects).
I can’t find my old camera
I used to have a reflex camera I bought when I started university, it was a Canon Rebel T3i. I really liked it. I wouldn’t say it was anything special or high-end, but it was the first professional camera I ever owned. With it I learned to see photography as an art, to use the tool, and I even experimented with stop motion. I even documented my first trip abroad with it, where I took some of my favorite pictures ever.
I feel a deep affection for that camera, but all my love couldn’t stop it from disappearing from my life. I’ve been searching for it for over two years now and still can’t find it. It’s kind of tragic because I honestly can’t remember if I lent it out, sold it, or simply lost it in a move. I can’t recall the last time I used it or even saw it among my belongings.
Right after that trip where I used my camera, I started having memory problems due to anxiety, and it was also a time of many changes in my personal life. I moved to another city, started working two jobs, and began struggling with my mental health. The camera just vanished. It’s as if my previous life disappeared along with it.
Ever since I realized it was gone, I’ve had a ravenous hunger to get back into photography; a craving that’s been starving me, since I haven’t found it, nor have I decided to buy another one. I want to know what happened to that camera that sharpened my vision and showed me a new way of seeing the world.
I lost my camera and gained… life perspective?
Anyway, these are some of the more relevant things that have happened in my life recently1, and through them I feel like life has taken something away only to give me something better in the long run. It’s all a leap of faith.
Thanks for reading.
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The ones I can mention here, anyway. The more personal matters go into the analog diary—you know, the pen-and-paper thing.↩