My loot drop if life were a PVP RPG
This month, as part of the Bear Blog Carnival, Absurd Pirate asks: “What's In My Inventory?”
I didn’t know such a thing existed, but I saw the prompt and thought it’d be a fun way to write something to distract me from the chaotic reality that has been these past few months, so here we go.
What kind of character would I be in an RPG? In most RPGs where you create your character or can choose between different classes, I almost always lean toward stealthy classes; usually, those are thief, rogue, or assassin. In other games where the thief archetype doesn’t exist, I like to play characters that use long-range weapons, like archers, snipers, or, if there’s no other option, paladins.
But how much do I actually have in common with those archetypes in real life, based on what I carry every day? If we had a deathmatch in an RPG, this is what you’d find in my loot, and honestly, it has little to nothing in common with the types of characters I like, but let’s pretend the reality we live in is different for the practical sake of this post:
1 – Keys: Like a Thief, I don’t have a fixed home right now, so I’m hopping from place to place during the day. These keys help me open all the doors I need to access: my workplace, where I spend the afternoon, and the place where I sleep.
2 – iPhone 15: What you see in the photo is just a case I love, since I used my phone to take the picture. If this were an RPG, this device would probably become a map, documents, and important intel about other members of my clan and the quests I’ve recently completed.
The main uses I give my phone day-to-day are messaging, checking email, using maps, and occasionally the browser to look up something mostly related to my hobbies.
3 – Notebook: Although it’s not something I use every day, it’s a crucial piece of my inventory. This is more like my journal, where I frequently write about my adventures and, honestly, about my daily frustrations. It’s a safe space where I can name my anxious thoughts and the things that worry me.
From time to time, I write my future plans here and analyze which skills I need to improve to perform my role better.
Even when it doesn’t seem like it, and the work of a class like mine could seem cold, we all have feelings and need a place to do a trauma dump.
4 – Wallet: The perfect place to keep everything I earn from completing daily quests. I’d like to say it’s always full of gold coins, but the truth is that most of the time I only carry my main card, my rewards card from the local tavern I frequent, and old tickets I should throw away.
5 – Handheld: Days can be very busy, but it’s always good to take a breather. I try to carry my PS Vita or my Nintendo Switch, especially at night when I’m away from my consoles and it’s almost bedtime.
What would a thief do as a hobby? Maybe play an instrument like a flute or make their own daggers.
6 – Laptop: This is my main tool for completing daily quests. Let’s say if life were a fantasy, this would be my toolkit for picking locks and distracting my targets so I can lift their coin purses and other important items.
It’s a device I use almost exclusively for work; I’ve had this laptop for about four years and the only problem I’ve had is with the charger. It’s served its purpose very well.
(The sad thing is that the people who have hired me so far in my career expect me to have all of this, and they never provided the specific tools to do the job.)
7 – Headphones: These Sony headphones I bought roughly at the same time as my laptop are one of the best purchases I’ve ever made in my life. I love them, and they aren’t even the high-end model in that lineup.
I use them for practically everything: gaming, video calls, listening to music, and when I use my tablet. They have incredible noise cancellation, and just a month ago I bought new ear pads and swapped them—super easy, cheap, and they felt brand new.
Oh, right, returning to the fantasy setting, I don’t really know what the equivalent of headphones would be—probably an enchanted item that lets you hear and speak with beings from another dimension?
8 – Mouse: And finally, the mouse I’ve used for the last few years: a Logitech MX Master I bought around the same time as my headphones. Heavy daily use for a long, long time, and although it’s not like new, I’m sure it’ll last at least another three years.
In the fantasy dimension, this would be like a grappling hook or some other tool that helps me navigate different environments. Or maybe something to muffle the sound of my footsteps. I’m not exactly sure, but it would definitely be movement-related.
And that’s it, I hope we never have to cross paths and fight, but if it comes to that, chances are you won’t hear me until after I take the first hit. 🤫