These are the days
The last two weeks of my existence have been rough on my mental health. I've had a lot to do at work and very little energy. My strange Instagram addiction didn't help, either. On top of that, I've been worried because three people from my team got laid off.
I'm pretty cynical about work and always keep in mind the possibility that a wave of layoffs could hit me too, but that doesn't make it any less of a shitty, stressful situation. This got me thinking about better times when everything felt easier, which made me realize that I don’t want to live a life where I’m constantly looking back, thinking other times were better than what I have today.
There was a time in my life when depression had me trapped in an abyss I couldn’t climb out of. Back then, I can honestly say things were tough, and the past seemed like a time of prosperity in comparison—at least in my mind. However, that’s not my reality anymore. Today, I feel incredibly grateful for everything I have. But sometimes, we forget, and I think that’s normal.
Instead of looking back one day and saying, "those were the days", I want to look back and say, "those days were great, but these are even better".
Even if these days aren't better, I want to say that and believe it because there are no better days than the days I have today.
I understand this narrative might make me sound delusional, but I believe the risk is worth it if it’s for a good cause. Anxiety has made me believe hundreds, thousands of things that aren’t real, that never happened, and never will, so why not use this to my advantage and start believing all the good things I actually deserve?
This isn’t the first time I’ve tried to convince myself of this to help with my depression and anxiety—I’ve tried before. I’ve fallen back eventually, but I can say it helps, even if it’s just to have a good week.
Deep down, even when my intrusive thoughts try to convince me otherwise, I know there’s always something to be grateful for. I know I’m better today than I was years ago. I know that who I am now is an improved version of who I used to be. And most importantly, I know that somewhere in the multiverse, there’s a version of me wishing they had what I have today.
Lo que quiero decir con este post es que these are the days, even if it may not seem like it. Maybe I just needed to write this to remind myself that I'm grateful and my life is great.
The Antonio from the past would have written a heavy emo post about how life sucks and there's no hope for anyone, so that's how I know I have changed, and for the best.
🌫️ ... Thanks for reading!